I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
