On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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