So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
