The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
