I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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