You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
