Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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