I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
