i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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