I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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