we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
