i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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