just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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