im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dick has a subreddit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
