I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
