so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
