He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
NoShamevember. You game?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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