a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
