I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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