Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
