He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
