You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
