I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
