so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
