OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
