You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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