If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
