I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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