all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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