I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
