The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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