Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
