I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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