I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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