if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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