Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
