oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
