he shaved USA in his pubs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
