I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
