you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
