Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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