oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
