are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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