I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
