So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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