You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
