i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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