How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
