I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
