We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
only you would photoshop your dick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
