Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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