some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
