I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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