You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
