I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
