I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
