I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
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