I wanna passion pit in your ass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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