I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
