You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
