There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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