she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner