THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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