Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
