You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
