You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
