How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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