I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you never un-have a 4some
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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