this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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