I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
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