so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
