she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
