Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
