I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
