I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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