Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
