if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
