New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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