I need help removing her.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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